It’s that bloody awkward period between Christmas and New Year – the one where the only conversation you’ll have is “you know, I don’t even know what day it is”. You’ve ate your weight in cheese, you’ve opened all your gifts and now you’re looking towards the next festive event – New Years.
This of course also marks the start of the never ending shitfest of weight loss prompts. No matter how they sell it to you – whether it’s “new year, new thinner you!” Or “put down the pies, fatty”, however you put it the diet industry is just about to make you feel like a steaming pile of poo. Screams of New Years resolutions to drop those extra pounds will threaten to drown out your triumphant inner cries of “BUT I LIKE FOOD YOU UTTER WANKERS” so I’ve decided to give you a list of alternative New Years resolutions to combat that spiral of self hatred that is sold to us in DVD form, usually featuring some minor celeb:
- Stop giving a fuck – yes I know, easy for me to say. But crack this first resolution and you will be able to take on the world. Know that the only opinion you need is the opinion you have of yourself – and remember that you can and will change this. You are worthy of more than you are giving yourself. It’s so empowering to finally stand up and say you don’t care about what others think of you. You can get there and you will get there.
- Show yourself the positivity that you show others – if your best mate is wearing an amazing top, you’d tell her. If she had a good hair day, you’d be telling her just how bangable she looks, so why don’t you do it to yourself? Each morning, tell yourself how gorgeous you are because babe, trust me, you look incredible. Your days will be brighter if you start them off that way. You are a woman who is worthy of a compliment, so start by telling yourself how hot you are and watch that hotness radiate from your pores like sunbeams.
- Remember that size is not a reason to laugh at someone – seen a meme taking the piss out of a fat woman? What about someone taking the mick out of Cheryl Fernandez-Versini’s weight? Before you laugh and click on share, stop yourself, put yourself in that picture and then remember that YOU ARE NOT A DICK. Only dicks share pictures of people with the purpose of belittling someone else’s body for entertainment. Don’t be THAT person, no one likes THAT person. And yes, even if you’re fat woman attempting to empower yourself by telling men that “only dogs want a bone” or that “curves are better” – no they aren’t. What is better is empowering other women to feel good about themselves. Seriously, don’t be THAT person.
- Don’t be discouraged if what you’re doing is not the norm – in the words of DJ Khaled (if you have snapchat, you HAVE to follow him – it’s a major key to success) they don’t want you to be happy. They don’t want you to love your body and be happy as you are. Don’t be persuaded by society to change things about yourself to appease them – be radical and keep on building your self confidence. Remember that weight loss is an industry that makes money from making fat women feel like shit. You are not obliged to pay their bills with your body image issues.
- Stop waiting for the ideal time to wear something – you don’t need to worry about fashion rules babe. Life is too short for you not to put on horizontal stripes or a puffball dress. You don’t have to reach a goal weight before you put on a miniskirt. You don’t have to buy a dress as a goal to fit into. Clear your closets of all those “I’ll fit into it one day” dresses and fill it with rad new dresses to fit the gorgeous body you have now. Life is too short to keep saying to yourself “one day I’ll do this…”. Make that “one day” today and feel triumphant.
I’ll be making 2016 my year of giving even less fucks than I gave this year. I turn 30 next year and in my 30th year, I’m going to do so much more to help you all on your body positivity journey starting with more vocal on body positive issues and practicing more of what I preach.
Here’s to the next 365 days of being powerful about who we are – we’re all in this together!