***If you’re here for fashion and plus size fashion looks, try reading these three posts about what to wear on holiday – Post 1, Post 2, Post 3 – otherwise, strap yourselves in for some self help badassery!***
I’m a member of a few plus size Facebook groups. Yes, they exist! If you aren’t a part of one, try Plus Size Chat or Living Life As Plus Size – both of these groups are havens for plus size women to talk about anything plus size related from fashion, to health, to fitness, to love and relationships, privately (i.e. whatever you write there will NOT show up to anyone outside that group!). There are loads and loads of groups on Facebook for you to be part of – just have a search for them!
Over the past few months, I’ve seen a bit of negativity creeping into these groups – negativity about how their bodies look, how attractive they are… you know the story!
I wrote back to one woman in particular who asked from some hints and tips on how to “get confident” and it got my cogs turning. I’m often asked by you lot on social media how to feel better about yourself or how to be more confident… “confident” – that word harbours a lot of feeling doesn’t it? Well here’s a secret – confidence doesn’t exist. Let’s think about it shall we? When you see your favourite pop star wearing a crop top and twerking on a pole in front of thousands of people on a stage, you think to yourself “I wish I was that confident”…but what makes you think they are confident? Is it an actual *thing* or is it just your perception of what you think confidence is?
To me, confidence is just a rouse to make you feel worse about the fact that you wish you could wear short skirts out and not worry about what people behind you might think, or you wish that you could twirl down the high street without a care in the world, not listening to any hecklers you might encounter. No one is ever truly confident. Take me for example (obviously). Being a blogger, I am not adverse to wearing a bikini and twatting about in my underwear. But what you don’t see is what happens just before all of that – I am a nervous wreck. I have every doubt running through my mind and I try and talk myself out of every last bit of it. But if you look at the pictures of me in my pants, laughing my head off with my belly out (you can see them in THIS blog post) you’d think I haven’t got a care in the world, right? That’s because I had consciously made the decision to stop giving a fuck about what might happen and just DO it because ultimately, it would help me achieve what I want to achieve.
So how did I do that? How did I manage to banish those body demons trying to wreak havoc on my brain? It’s pretty simple really, so buckle up. In order for you to banish the body demons, you will need to do the following:
At some point in your life, you’re going to have to make the decision that you don’t give a fuck about what anyone has to say about your body. I’m not saying you have to believe it straight away, but you have to make the decision that from this point onwards, you don’t care about people’s unsolicited opinions and that the only thing that matters is your happiness about your own body.
Once you make that decision, you’ll need to work out what you need to do to keep it that way – whether that’s weeding out people in your life who put you down, or standing in front of the mirror every day and repeating how beautiful you are, or trying on a piece of clothing you’ve always wanted to wear… whatever it is that helps you continue to keep your decision. And you keep on doing it. You keep doing it until you don’t realise you’re doing it any more. You keep doing it until you believe every positive word about yourself. You’ll still have days where you think you’re shit but that’s all part of it. You just remember whatever it was that reminded you of your worth, and you do it all over again until you remember how incredible you are.
My reminder is that my ultimate goal is to inspire people who need inspiration and to represent women who have fat bodies like I do. In order to achieve that goal, I need to be inspirational. In order to be inspirational, I need to feel inspirational…and there you have it. So, when I was in my pants, shaking with fear a bit because I was about to have my photo taken for a lingerie website, I just said to myself “I’m awesome. I’m doing this because I want to inspire other women and represent women who have bodies like mine. I am doing this for me and for them” and miraculously…. well you get the point. That was my recipe for remembering that my body is GLORIOUS. It is deserving of celebration, of love, of happiness.
Find your reason, your motivation, your way of achieving it and Keep. It.Going. Even when you’re faced with your own room of people staring at you when you’re stood in your pants – you are INCREDIBLE. Confidence does not exist. Only your ability to love yourself for who you are does. You can, and you will do this.