Just recently, I’ve seen some full on snakey behaviour in the plus size blogosphere. Now I’m not going to call anyone out on this personally so if you’re after a controversy, put your popcorn down and Bibbity bobbity back the fuck out of here! I’ve seen girls sabotage other girls chances at progressing their professional careers, I’ve seen sly digs on Twitter about bloggers, I’ve seen bitching happen between bloggers about other bloggers who are more successful than them… And all this negative energy has fucked me right up. I was in a Negative Funkhole and I needed out, pronto.
Now usually, I am a Positive Polly. I look on the bright side of life and tend to see the best in everyone. Yes, that’s probably my biggest downfall too. Seeing the best in people can often make you an easy target – Posi Polly thinks Negative Nancy is her bestie until NN decides to shit in her brand new shoes. I think that’s what’s got me in a spin the most really – if I can be a nice person and support my fellow woman, why the fuck can’t everyone else? But everyone else isn’t me are they (poor bastards).
Some of these negi thoughts have been working their way through my brain, and tonight I found myself questioning the motives of someone who I once considered to be a friend of mine who has now weirdly turned competitive. Can I trust these women I call my friends enough? Am I sure they aren’t just using me to get ahead? Well, no, no I’m not sure. But does that matter? Of course it fucking doesn’t, duh. So here’s what I did to see the brighter side of life once more…
- Praise your positivity – It is not my bad that that person has become less shiny and fabulous than I thought they were. I will always allow people to appear brilliant to me until the moment they don’t. And when they don’t, I won’t let my positivity towards them fade. My opinion of a person may change but my attitude need not do. This does come with a disclaimer of course – My positivity should not be mistaken for weakness. I’m very much a fool-me-once kind of girl and I shall not be taken for a ride – but I will continue to be me. Nice, slightly sweary, (okay okay, I swear like a sailor. It’s the sign of a passionate woman, y’know?) always sarcastic, ever loving me.
- Appreciate the beauty of difference – If your hustle is to make a name for yourself and you’ll do anything to reach your goals, then you kill it momma, do what you need to do. My hustle is to empower others around me and move forward as a pack of strong women. My hustle is to look favourably upon everyone I meet until you give me cause not to, and then when you do, I’m going to just leave you to it and do my own thang. My hustle is to support you in your darkest hour and celebrate with you in your finest one, even if you’ve been ruthless to get there. I will always give women credit where credit is due. I kill ’em with kindness, what’s your poison?
- Remember the agendas of others may not be the same as your own – In the crossfire, I forgot what I started blogging for. I’ve been spending too much time worrying about the best way to grow my blog or work with brands or win awards…all of those things are nice, but that’s not me. I’m a warrior woman fighting for body positivity and high end fashion. I’ll achieve my dreams and this blog is meant to help you achieve yours too. Whether it’s finally falling in love with your body, or whether it’s finding the perfect dress, or whether it’s finding a space where someone feels just like you – this blog is for you just as much as it is for me. I didn’t start this blog to win awards, boost a career in modelling (because I’m no model!) or get free things, I started it so women like me could have a place to go to make them feel as BEAUTIFUL as I feel about myself.
So I guess this is my negativity’s swansong. I’ll be going to go back to focusing on me and my journey, supporting others on theirs and ignoring this negative energy. A chat to some of the best women I’ve ever come across allowed me to pull my head out of the black cloud – special thanks to the gorgeous Tanya of Secret Plus Size Goddess for being a voice of reason when I was having my wobble! Those people who always have your back are the best people in the world, utilise them.
I want to empower you, Ms. Reader, to stand tall against adversity and use your positive mental attitude to change the world! Time waits for no bitch, and we’ve all got an appointment to make, so I’ll see you at the top ladies, whatever route you take to get there – I’ll be the one cheering you on with a gin in one hand and pizza in the other! Here’s to us, the hustlers, the inspirers, the girls just starting their body positive journey – we’re all so amazing.