Personal: Blogger Bother and Being Yourself

Why don't you love me?

On any given day, if you asked me of what I think about ‘haters’, I’d say that I like to think that I’m a great believer that people who are nasty about you are generally either A) threatened by you or B) jealous of you – and sometimes a mixture of the both. But, the reality of it is when you’re a people pleaser like me, it’s really hard to come to terms with the fact that not everyone will like you. Now before you go all “OH WOE IS ME…” about me, please read on.

When I was younger, one of the only life lessons that stuck in my brain (because let’s face it, I’m a stubborn old boot at the best of times) was learning that it is impossible to make people like you, even if you feel you’ve done nothing wrong to them and all you want to do is make them see that you’re actually a really lovely person. Sometimes, you can just not be someone’s cup of tea. It’s a life lesson that I’m still kind of struggling to get my brain around, so forgive me for this post…and for the photo below.

*DISCLAIMER: Before I launch into this, I must tell you that although I am drawing on a very personal experience with one person in particular, I will not name them. Nor will I give you any clues as to who they are.* 

Since I’ve become a blogger, I’ve had a pretty pants experience with one person in particular who, I feel, has been consistently rude to me. The difficult thing is that this person is a well established, celebrated and absolutely brilliant blogger. It’s really important for me to say that this is my perception of their interactions with me, and is not necessarily how it is.

I have previously supported this person – in fact, I’ve cheered on their accomplishments, sympathised with them when things have gone wrong and tried to interact with them positively in all areas. Unfortunately I have been met with a pretty frosty reception from them on a number of occasions since becoming a blogger myself. In fact, I’d go as far to say that it’s blindingly clear that when this person needs to interact with me, you can feel the “can’t be bothered”ness coming from them like a steam train. Now I’m not asking for a fucking parade every time I speak with them, but it would be nice for me to not feel like I’m little more than a strong breeze on a good hair day, if you know what I mean.

My natural reaction to this was to get really upset. “Why would this person be so hostile towards me?” I’d wail. I’m not a bad person (I don’t think – I can name at least two people who are worse than me, and one of them is Hitler). I did do a bit of a cry at one point, but get that out of your head because to you lot I am a boss-ass-bitch and that’s how it’s going to stay (not).

Then I became a bit pathetic, angry and vengeful. I thought about calling this person out on the internet about their attitude towards me. I thought about sending snide sub-tweets about them filled with sassy emojis to make it obvious who I was talking about but in a “I could be talking about anyone sweetie” kind of way. I thought about emailing them directly and asking them why I appear to be annoying them so much. I thought about doing a poo in their shoes when I saw them next… okay, I didn’t really think of that last one, but you know what I mean.

But then I remembered that life lesson from when I was younger – not everyone will like me. It is just wasted emotions/energy/time/chocolate trying to figure out what I had done wrong to make this person behave in this manner towards me.

It’s still a difficult thing for me to get my head around – I watch this person get celebrated by so many of my peers and by women all around, hell, I am one of those women – why do they not like me? But that’s not for me to figure out. It just is what it is.

I’m lucky in that my experience is limited to a rather nasty taste in the back of my mouth.It may even all be in my head too – my perception of a person may be completely different to what the scenario actually is!

Some of you may have been publicly shamed or ‘dissed’ by someone who has taken a dislike to you. You might have had your career damaged by a person with vindictive intentions. In these cases, the best thing to do is to block, report and ignore the person involved. If criminal defamation has taken place (you can find a really good explanation of what that is HERE) you can inform a solicitor and ask for advice.

For my case where it’s just my being not to this persons taste, I’m going to continue to support this person. They might not like me, but I’ll continue to support them, celebrate their winnings and commiserate their losses – and I’ll stop beating myself up wondering why they appear to dislike me so much.

Life is too short to pick apart your own character to give meaning to the actions of others.

lottie-signature

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Plus-size, body positive, feminist, lesbian - ME. Lives in London, has a Nottingham heart.

12 thoughts on “Personal: Blogger Bother and Being Yourself

  1. Well said Lottie. Life is way too short to spend it wondering why people don’t like you… I think most times it is their issue…not yours 🙂 I have to admit I always have an eye out for your posts on here…I really appreciate your sense of humor!

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    1. Thank you lovely! Really good of you to say, sometimes I wonder if I’m a bit too crass, but then I go back to not giving a shit and eating chocolate… Lol 😉 glad you enjoyed it! Xx

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  2. I can relate to this so much. I used to give so much energy to people who didn’t like me trying to get them to like me. I ended up neglecting those who do actually like me. It took me a long while to accept that there will always be someone who doesn’t like you for some reason.

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  3. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this…I am in almost the exact situation where I work and I have decided to kill the person with kindness. I also saw a saying…Her success is not your failure…and I just LOVE that. Just because she is successful doesn’t mean you are not JUST as successful. You have a great outlook on this. Thank you!!!!

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  4. I struggle with feeling like that with fellow bloggers too. I am sure they are just as busy as me and it has nothing to do with liking or not liking me when they don’t respond.

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  5. Hello Lottie! My advice is to just cut this negative person out of your life. Completely. There is absolutely no need to continue to support her or celebrate her achievements. None what so ever. This arrogant gal does not deserve one more bit of your time, which includes any more thoughts about her or her actions. Remember: We train others how to treat us! So start training her right now.

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  6. I feel like I needed to read this out this week. I’ve had experiences with a rather frosty blogger recently and the whole week I’ve felt “what have I done wrong? Do other people feel like this towards me?” Feeling. Granted I’m a small blogger easily ignored but it hurt (I also felt maybe i was imagining it which didn’t do well to my mental health).
    I’m seeing more their problem now- if they won’t support fellow women/bloggers who wish them nothing but success karma will eventually come round, I’ll still support them.

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  7. Well I’d day it’s well and truly their loss because you are fabulous!!! But like you say, you can’t win them all xx

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  8. As Taylor says: “Haters gonna hate” although it is hard when people appear not to like you especially when you have made an effort with them, but referring back to Taylor guess you gotta just shake it off x

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  9. that is such an important lesson. I’m kind of a marmite person, folks seem to love or hate me. This means I’ve had to learn to just let the haters go. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt by this person, but glad to hear you’re ultimately rising above.

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