On any given day, if you asked me of what I think about ‘haters’, I’d say that I like to think that I’m a great believer that people who are nasty about you are generally either A) threatened by you or B) jealous of you – and sometimes a mixture of the both. But, the reality of it is when you’re a people pleaser like me, it’s really hard to come to terms with the fact that not everyone will like you. Now before you go all “OH WOE IS ME…” about me, please read on.
When I was younger, one of the only life lessons that stuck in my brain (because let’s face it, I’m a stubborn old boot at the best of times) was learning that it is impossible to make people like you, even if you feel you’ve done nothing wrong to them and all you want to do is make them see that you’re actually a really lovely person. Sometimes, you can just not be someone’s cup of tea. It’s a life lesson that I’m still kind of struggling to get my brain around, so forgive me for this post…and for the photo below.
*DISCLAIMER: Before I launch into this, I must tell you that although I am drawing on a very personal experience with one person in particular, I will not name them. Nor will I give you any clues as to who they are.*
Since I’ve become a blogger, I’ve had a pretty pants experience with one person in particular who, I feel, has been consistently rude to me. The difficult thing is that this person is a well established, celebrated and absolutely brilliant blogger. It’s really important for me to say that this is my perception of their interactions with me, and is not necessarily how it is.
I have previously supported this person – in fact, I’ve cheered on their accomplishments, sympathised with them when things have gone wrong and tried to interact with them positively in all areas. Unfortunately I have been met with a pretty frosty reception from them on a number of occasions since becoming a blogger myself. In fact, I’d go as far to say that it’s blindingly clear that when this person needs to interact with me, you can feel the “can’t be bothered”ness coming from them like a steam train. Now I’m not asking for a fucking parade every time I speak with them, but it would be nice for me to not feel like I’m little more than a strong breeze on a good hair day, if you know what I mean.
My natural reaction to this was to get really upset. “Why would this person be so hostile towards me?” I’d wail. I’m not a bad person (I don’t think – I can name at least two people who are worse than me, and one of them is Hitler). I did do a bit of a cry at one point, but get that out of your head because to you lot I am a boss-ass-bitch and that’s how it’s going to stay (not).
Then I became a bit pathetic, angry and vengeful. I thought about calling this person out on the internet about their attitude towards me. I thought about sending snide sub-tweets about them filled with sassy emojis to make it obvious who I was talking about but in a “I could be talking about anyone sweetie” kind of way. I thought about emailing them directly and asking them why I appear to be annoying them so much. I thought about doing a poo in their shoes when I saw them next… okay, I didn’t really think of that last one, but you know what I mean.
But then I remembered that life lesson from when I was younger – not everyone will like me. It is just wasted emotions/energy/time/chocolate trying to figure out what I had done wrong to make this person behave in this manner towards me.
It’s still a difficult thing for me to get my head around – I watch this person get celebrated by so many of my peers and by women all around, hell, I am one of those women – why do they not like me? But that’s not for me to figure out. It just is what it is.
I’m lucky in that my experience is limited to a rather nasty taste in the back of my mouth.It may even all be in my head too – my perception of a person may be completely different to what the scenario actually is!
Some of you may have been publicly shamed or ‘dissed’ by someone who has taken a dislike to you. You might have had your career damaged by a person with vindictive intentions. In these cases, the best thing to do is to block, report and ignore the person involved. If criminal defamation has taken place (you can find a really good explanation of what that is HERE) you can inform a solicitor and ask for advice.
For my case where it’s just my being not to this persons taste, I’m going to continue to support this person. They might not like me, but I’ll continue to support them, celebrate their winnings and commiserate their losses – and I’ll stop beating myself up wondering why they appear to dislike me so much.
Life is too short to pick apart your own character to give meaning to the actions of others.