***CONTENT WARNING – Sex, Swearing, Consent, Safe Sex, Blood – THIS POST IS FOR AGES 16+ (or whatever the age of consent is in your country)***
Yep, you just read that right. This blog post is going to be a graphic, no-holds-barred account of what it’s like to be a fat girl who is sexually confident in the bedroom (or hallway, or table, or whatever but we will get onto that later). If you’re easily offended by frank chat about bodily fluid, female anatomy, sex or swearing (or if you’re my Mum – sorry Mum) then this post is not for you. If you will be triggered by talk of consent (or lack thereof), this post is not for you – please do not put yourself in mental danger by continuing to read this post. Perhaps check out this one about my fave Instagram babes instead?
Okay, are they gone? Alright, good – now we can get on with the dirty stuff!
So it’s no surprise to you by now that not only am I fat, but I am proudly and loudly so. That happens in all areas of my life – whether I am going to work, lazing around the house or getting down and dirty in the bedroom, I do not apologise for my weight, size or figure. I am who I am, and who I am is incredible. But I know that not all women are like me, and I know that some of you are on your journeys to loving your body, but you need a helping hand – and that’s where this blog post comes in! I want to talk to you about losing your inhibitions when you’re about to sleep with a significant other/friend with benefits/fuckbuddy.
It’s incredibly important that before you start changing your mind on how your body performs and looks during sex, you actually pay attention to it. Sex is carnal, raw and dirty – yes, even super sensual, slow *love making* sex is dirty. I don’t mean dirty in a “you filthy bitch” kind of way, I mean it is literally dirty. Your body will sweat, you will leak fluids from your sexual organs, you will experience new smells, you’ll lick and taste things on each others bodies that will not be germ free, you might even bleed – but this is all part of the glorious act of sex with another person. Our bodies are nothing to be shy about. What happens to us during sex happens to ALL OF US, regardless of size or body type. So let’s split this out shall we?
Fucking means you will both swap fluids. Whether that’s saliva, sweat or sexual (although, if you are with a new partner or one that you don’t know the status of, you should practise safe sex using a condom if you are having penetrative sex or a dental dam if you are going down on someone with female genitalia), you will experience moisture of some kind.
As a fat girl, it can be a bit worrying when you’re about to have sex about how you’re going to look when you’re in the throes of fornication. Yes, you will sweat – your fat body will get moist and will glisten under the right light – but so will our smaller counterparts. Your chosen partner will not be thinking about you sweating, they will be thinking about making you cum and how awesome you are in that moment. Your partner will also be sweating, the both of you might stink to high heaven – but isn’t the smell of sex all part of the game? All women smell different and we all have our own aroma that is nothing to be ashamed of. Please, for the love of god do not scrub your vagina with Femfresh or some other brand of “intimate cleanser” – your body has its own cleansing system, you will do more harm than good introducing soap to your vagina – water is enough to clean yourself with. Disturbing your PH balance because you’re worried that your fat body will make your vagina smell is a one way ticket to itchville. Do, however, try to go to the toilet as soon after penetrative sex if you’re prone to getting UTI’s – this can help in preventing you from getting UTI’s like Cystitis as it helps to flush out bacteria.
If you’re anything like me, when you’re on your period your sexual desire goes up a few notches. Here’s a quick newsflash – you can fuck and be fucked when you are having a period. You can also enjoy oral sex when you’re on your period. You will bleed on your partner during penetrative sex but, and here’s the best part, that’s natural and fine and okay. As stated before, USE A CONDOM when sleeping with an untested man/someone you have not discussed their safe sex history with. This is ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT when dealing with blood. You can also receive oral sex whilst you’re bleeding – having your period does not mean that this should be off the cards. Use a dental dam to protect your partner from getting blood in their mouths and/or wear a tampon and limit oral to your clitoris only – you don’t bleed from your clit, you could even have a quick wash beforehand! Just make sure you discuss with your partner how comfortable they are with the thought of doing so and in case you value your mattress/hardwood flooring/sofa/kitchen table, put down some old sheets or towels – it’s about to get messy!
Worrying about your body can take over your mind, which sometimes has an affect on your fluid production in your vagina. There’s no shame in vaginal dryness – introducing lube into your play can be a really sensual experience. If you get flavoured ones, you can even turn yourself into a tasty snack! If you’re about to have sex with someone with male genitalia, using lube during hand jobs adds a whole new layer of sensation and is a great way of introducing lube into your penetrative sex without drawing attention to your dry situation. Equally, I’ve had partners in the past that have been embarrassed about producing TOO MUCH fluid from their genitals – personally, I have never had an issue with my sexual partners being very wet/producing a lot of semen. I found it turned me on more, and in fact made for even better sex! One partner refused to let me touch her until she realised how turned on I was over her situation – communicating with your partner is key. If you’re feeling uneasy, talk about things and if you still feel uneasy YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE SEX. Which leads me on to…
I’m going to be frank with you here and tell you about a true story around consent that happened to me when I was still sleeping with men. I now identify as Gay, however I have had male sexual partners in the past. Please skip past this bit if you will be triggered by talks of sexual aggression and unconsented sexual exposure.
I went on a night out with some of my friends back when I was 18/19 and ended up talking to some mutual male friends. My best mate at the time had pulled this bloke (who happened to also be my friend) and his friend was sat in the club chatting away to me. Now, he was a very good looking chap – tall, dark, handsome, well built and well sought after by a few of my other female friends. He and I got on well, we made each other laugh and we had a good night, but I just wasn’t feeling him. We left the club and made our way back to my friends place and my friend and her boy left upstairs to have sex. I was left on the sofa with the dude I had been talking to all night. We had both been drinking but he was significantly more drunk than I was. He decided to try and have sex with me. I said no. He got his dick out and asked me to suck it. I said no. He proceeded to play with himself in front of me and asked me to join. I said no, stood up and left. As I was leaving, he said to me
“you should be happy that I have tried to fuck you, you’re a fat girl, I can get any girl I want but I wanted you”.
Being a fat girl does not automatically mean that you have to sleep with the first person that gives you attention. You do not owe sex to anyone who has spent time talking to you. You are not a commodity to be traded with. This man who I’d previously got on with thought that he was doing a service by sexually aggravating me into having sex with him because he thought he was worth more than me. He was incorrect.
Kissing a person does not equal consent. Having a nice time with someone does not equal consent. Starting to have sex with someone does not equal consent. You can withdraw consent at any time, you have the right to say no and to walk away from a situation that is making you uncomfortable and you have the right to stop.
Just like me, you are worthy of a partner who will respect you and who will take no for an answer. If you find yourself in a situation like mine, get out of the situation if you can. If you are unable to and the unthinkable happens, report it immediately and prosecute. You are to be respected and sex should be a mutually agreed, sensual act.
Being an owner of a fat body, it can be difficult to do certain sexual positions. Depending on your flexibility, weight distribution and body shape, doing certain sexual moves you might have seen in porn films or read about in Cosmo (hello reverse cowgirl) you could have trouble moving your body or having your partner move your body in the right way – but how are you going to know if this is the case? By trying them all out, thats how!
I know plenty of fat women over a size 24 that have VERY graphic, exciting sex. Exciting sex doesn’t always have to equal different positions, though. You can have mind blowing, multiple-orgasm inducing sex in good old missionary just as well as you can have it in a suspended congress (google it) – its all about how well you connect with your partner and how willing you are to try different takes on a good old favourite. There is no shame with having one tried and tested move – if it works for you then it works for you!
Just like talking about fluids and consent, talking to your partner about what sex you want to try out is key. You might be a size 22 flexible gymnast who can pull off cunnilingus whilst doing the splits, or you might want to just take it from behind and let the person penetrating you do all the work – it doesn’t matter. Do whatever position it is that you need to do to get your rocks off! Oh, and if you’re worrying about sitting on your partner’s face believe me, if they want you to do it, DO IT. They can handle your weight on their face, you will not suffocate them to death, just sit on their face and have yourself an amazing time! I find face sitting to be the most feared about position for fat women, but you really needn’t fear – your partner can handle your body and if you’re worried about it – TALK TO THEM.
My personal fave is a good old 69. Or from behind. Or me on the bottom. Or…. anyway my point is, your weight and size needn’t dictate how good your sex is – just be communicative, try new things and don’t worry about what the other person will think. Chances are they just want to make you happy!
The lingerie in my photos are:
Now that we’ve discussed these basic three principles of having sex whilst fat, how are you feeling about getting down and dirty? Have you got any tips to share? Let me know in the comments below!